Sometimes you just need someone to give you a tight hug and say ‘Everything’s going to be okay, you’re going to be fine’. And if there’s no one around to give you that, when you need it, you need to step up and tell your self that. Very much like massages. Yeah, reach your hand back and press that magic spot. It may not be as satisfying as someone else telling you, touching you…but it’s still comforting. This may also lead to a very mild form of split personality, being the you and the I at the same time.
Do you also get those voices in your head…like when you mumble to yourself at night when you’re tired…and I catch myself saying ‘I love you’ ‘I love you too sweetie’ ‘really?’ ‘yeah :)’. It’s not creepy really, it’s just one of those automatic compulsive conversations in my head. Do you also get those? (-I do. -really? – yeah…lol)
Anyway I’m drifting off the original intent of this post.. see there are these two quotes that I like a lot:
1. Falling in love with your self is the beginning of a lifelong romance – Oscar Wilde
2. Love me the most when I deserve it the least, because that’s when I really need it – Dunno who
I always have #2 in mind, actually more with respect to others than to myself, that is #2 being a plea to me rather than a plea of mine. Anyway, combining 1 and 2 brings me to why I need to love myself the most now. Coz I really feel like I don’t deserve it. But I think I’m being nice to myself and more patient than I would have been earlier. I’m learning something. That’s for sure. Because I think I’m in one of the worst self created situations in my life, I haven’t felt so pressured or guilty ever, and yet I am actually also in a happy place. Not entirely of course, but I’m pretty happy in many ways. Actually given the circumstances, I don’t think I could be any happier. Still though I’m not doing very well. I’m anxious and very negative. And want to run away from it all. But I won’t.
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Addendum: That conversation I have is a relic, one I used to have on a nightly basis with my mother, and still do when I get to be home. I guess I just miss having someone say that to me, with that much truth in it. It’s comforting, it makes me feel safe.
